Monday, June 1, 2009

Idea 46 - The "Better Babies" Series

Some guy has been causing a big fuss with a book called Your Baby Can Read -- apparently he figured out a way to get infants to unwittingly gurgle up word-like sounds or something. Of course, parents everywhere are cutting each others' throats to get a copy, as none of them want to own their town's last stupid baby. Now, I have no idea if his book actually works, and neither do the buyers -- they're panicking like it's some experimental cure for SIDS and they can't afford not to give it a shot.

So here I come, like a gifted vulture, armed with a whole series of exciting and theoretically effective baby-smarter-uppers:

Better Babies Can Operate An Industrial Grain Thresher
Better Babies Can Throw A Javelin Through A Steel Door
Better Babies Can Admit Weakness
Better Babies Can Chew, Swallow, And Draw Vital Minerals From Rocks
Better Babies Can Be Interesting
Better Babies Can Impersonate Government Employees
Better Babies Can Become Dangerously Mediocre Archers
Better Babies Can Win "Survivor"
Better Babies Can Program Massively Multi-Player Online Role Playing Games
Better Babies Can Star In Talking Baby Commercials Previously Made With Computer Graphics
Better Babies Can Smoke-Jump
Better Babies Can Compose Moving Rock Ballads Like Hagar-Era Van Halen's "Why Can't This Be Love"
Better Babies Can Eat A 32-ounce Ribeye Steak In One Sitting
Better Babies Can Excavate
Better Babies Can Smell Blood In The Ocean From Over A Mile Away
Better Babies Can Wipe

These books almost make we want to sire some babies, except they don't at all.

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