Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Idea 63 - Silent Knight

I can't imagine how people could ever find politics to be thrilling, but then again political thrillers sell like meth-filled hotcakes. Thusly, I've been thinking about a sweeping novel that chronicles the unlikely rise to power of a mute farmer. Starting at the grass-roots level, his stoic/involuntary silence makes his challengers seem pathetically shrill and desperate. And even though he can't talk, he still has a hot wife and gets a lot on the side, if you know what I mean. By the end of the book, he's the president, I guess. Vote for this:

"Harrison, I feel sick. Sick with worry." Martha's normal confidence had been eroding ever since the primary. "Sure, the campaign's going great, but are you really ready to handle those bastards in Congress? They're going to be ruthless -- they'll viciously attack your humble roots and the fact that you literally can't talk at all."

Harrison didn't answer. He was mute. Martha smiled -- what else could she do? Just then, the door burst in with the violence of a boating accident.

"Dammit, Harrison!" For a campaign manager, Carl had an extraordinarily large panic button. "We're down nine points in the Southwest! You need to get out there and give some kind of a spee--"

Carl was new to the campaign, and had forgotten that his candidate was born without a larynx.

For a soon-to-be professional writer like myself, having a main character who's ridiculously handicapped presents what they call "a good problem". How am I going to help him overcome his physical lameness? How can I possibly manage to get him laid, both at home and on the road? Man, I can't wait to sink my teeth into this one as soon as I get a big advance check. Until then, forget it.

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