Monday, June 8, 2009

Idea 51 - Accidentally Humane

Green crap is really big right now, and I think I can squeeze some more dough out of the phenomenon if somebody buys this docu-book idea fast enough. See, there's this farm upstate where they're really pioneering the field of humane slaughtering, in that they only sell meat that died by accident:

Sarah Withering gazes across her glowing green pasture, a thin smile of pride reaching her mouth. "The only problem is volume -- we have a certain quota we have to meet so we can be profitable, but there are only so many deadly mishaps that typically happen to farm animals." Now her brow twitches just slightly, almost imperceptibly. "That's why we started installing the... improvements."

Husband Gary kept his back to me as he set the rickety staircase at the mouth of the pig pen. "A sow with great balance will hardly notice." Was it the pride of invention in his voice, or guilt, or both? "It's not like we're setting up dry kindling and hundreds of candles in there. That's only for the milking barn." I may have been mistaken, but I thought I saw a moment of hesitation as he placed the freshly oiled roller skate on the top step.

Now, some people (hypocrites) might express some typical outrage when they hear about the Witherings' methods. But the first time they bite into a wild turkey breast steeped in an unfortunate combination of red wine and sleeping pills, I bet they'll shut up.

No comments:

Post a Comment