Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Step 30 - Nail Some Dedications

To set the perfect tone for this book about whatever the h this book ends up being about, I've got to nail the dedication, that's for sure. Some sexy candidates for your review appear below. Make with the weirdly enthusiastic feedback ASAP.

To my loving wife--the shapely cloud upon which I rest, like a hot angel, as I float through the literary heavens. Baby, I probably couldn't have done this as quickly without you.

To Bucky, my first turtle, a Rhodesian shellback in whose eyes I found a stillness that can only be described as devine. We miss you, Buck.

To Zach Danning, the dick from my hometown who always used to fuck with me when I was in the iron lung: who's crippled now, shithead? Exactly, neither of us, nice work Sherlock. Feast your eyes on my awesome success, fuckface! Or can't you see me from your luxurious but tasteful house where you live with your smart, witty, generous wife, and conduct yourself by all accounts as a kind and decent man who had faults as a child just like any of us? Eat shit, pal!

A NOTE TO MY INEVITABLE PUBLISHERS: I'm happy to ignore these people/animals if you'd like a personal dedication--I will honestly huff your proverbial dongs right up front if it helps me ink a contract. XO.


  1. I have neglected the following of your 'progress,' and I was sort of surprised to still see your banner forehead advertisement. Maybe a new body part? Your ripped abs? Skin sells book jackets. Jeannette Winterson, anyone? So does great hair, like the pre-cut photo. Fabio?

  2. Still "working" (hardly!) on those abs, but I definitely think it's a good idea to make some more ads. One idea is to make them all hair-related so that they're consistent, but not just head-hair, as I don't want it to get dull. My first thought is to have the two frames feature 1) the top of my left shoulder which has almost no hair, then 2) the top of my right shoulder which has grown an inexplicable strap of wiry fur. Just throwing it out there.