Step 29: Inspire The Press

You know what sells books? Impossibly positive snippets from critical reviews. You see them on the back cover, on store displays, on colorful sandwich boards worn by vagrant children, etc. So I figured I'd give the reviewers a head start with some perfect chunks of cut-and-paste-ready zazz:

OPTION 1: MODERN, BOLD, WORLDLY
"Let it be known: an inspiring new voice has emerged from the fetid miasma that is today's so-called blogosphere. Allah be praised."

OPTION 2: CLASSIC, INTELLECTUAL, HUMAN
"As a jaded, personally miserable book critic, I can count on one creaky middle finger the number of times that I've actually enjoyed anything in life. So it is with that hooked digit that I salute the publishers of this book, who had the courage to midwife this mewling foetus of a book into our worthless, pointless existence. I am currently crying."

OPTION 3: YOUTHFUL, CONNECTED, CONCISE
"LOL this book rulezz its not gay like wuthering hites that book SUCKD hit 11 if u luv rihanna."

So there you go, reviewers - just pick one. Easy. I scratch your back, you scratch me.