Step 29: Inspire The Press

You know what sells books? Impossibly positive snippets from critical reviews. You see them on the back cover, on store displays, on colorful sandwich boards worn by vagrant children, etc. So I figured I'd give the reviewers a head start with some perfect chunks of cut-and-paste-ready zazz:

OPTION 1: MODERN, BOLD, WORLDLY
"Let it be known: an inspiring new voice has emerged from the fetid miasma that is today's so-called blogosphere. Allah be praised."

OPTION 2: CLASSIC, INTELLECTUAL, HUMAN
"As a jaded, personally miserable book critic, I can count on one creaky middle finger the number of times that I've actually enjoyed anything in life. So it is with that hooked digit that I salute the publishers of this book, who had the courage to midwife this mewling foetus of a book into our worthless, pointless existence. I am currently crying."

OPTION 3: YOUTHFUL, CONNECTED, CONCISE
"LOL this book rulezz its not gay like wuthering hites that book SUCKD hit 11 if u luv rihanna."

So there you go, reviewers - just pick one. Easy. I scratch your back, you scratch me.

Step 14: Bullshit? (UPDATED)

One very popular avenue of bloggery I haven't pursued yet is to update my adoring hordes about uninteresting personal bullshit that no one could possibly care about. To me, that stinks like an opportunity. Watch:

I'm getting my hair cut tonight. It's long right now but not crazy long, but I usually wait too long to get it cut but then it gets totally huge and bushy and then I wish I had gotten it cut earlier. So we'll see how it goes. Updates later!!!

Here's how it looks right now:



UPDATE: OMG it turns out I had the wrong date for my haircut appointment, it was totally on Tuesday, and they couldn't fit me in so I have to go back on Wednesday OMG. Stay tuned!!!!?.