Step 30 - Nail Some Dedications

To set the perfect tone for this book about whatever the h this book ends up being about, I've got to nail the dedication, that's for sure. Some sexy candidates for your review appear below. Make with the weirdly enthusiastic feedback ASAP.

To my loving wife--the shapely cloud upon which I rest, like a hot angel, as I float through the literary heavens. Baby, I probably couldn't have done this as quickly without you.

To Bucky, my first turtle, a Rhodesian shellback in whose eyes I found a stillness that can only be described as devine. We miss you, Buck.

To Zach Danning, the dick from my hometown who always used to fuck with me when I was in the iron lung: who's crippled now, shithead? Exactly, neither of us, nice work Sherlock. Feast your eyes on my awesome success, fuckface! Or can't you see me from your luxurious but tasteful house where you live with your smart, witty, generous wife, and conduct yourself by all accounts as a kind and decent man who had faults as a child just like any of us? Eat shit, pal!

A NOTE TO MY INEVITABLE PUBLISHERS: I'm happy to ignore these people/animals if you'd like a personal dedication--I will honestly huff your proverbial dongs right up front if it helps me ink a contract. XO.

Step 19: Advertise!

So it's all working. While I'm chock empty of ideas about creating relevant content of any kind, the crowdsourcery is cranking away. In the comment area after my last post, in which I joked about running ads on my shamefully large forehead, I got some great and insulting feedback/ideas. Then I put them to use:

fat bastard said...

"forget ad banners, unless it's for more shameless self-promotion."

Perfect, great idea. But how?

Scott and Kristin Regan said...

Now you just need to Botox those railroad tracks you have running across your forehead.

This insult made me realize that I could use my above-eyebrow wrinkles as horizontal guidelines for text on said ad banners. And so...

BEHOLD!!! My new banner ad on the right side of this page. Now I can drive incremental traffic without earning it, like those ads that shake and indicate that your computer is broken. I'm rubbing elbows with the pros! Here come the Book Deals, people. I won't forget you when I abandon you after I get one.