I've known a lot of people with serious dirt/germ-related anxiety issues over the years. And yes, I've tried "positive berating" to help them understand how stupid their worries are, but they never change. So I figure that if these freaks aren't going to fix themselves, they'll have to explain their weirdo behavior to their kids. You got it -- it's excerpt time:
What Not To Lick
Golly lolly, everybody loves lollipops. Especially staphylococcus. Sure-dee-do, this creepy sleeping killer can lie dormant on the surface of a pretty candy all the way from a poorly-regulated factory to your warm, life-giving mouth!
Why We Can't Have Chili
Super-smarty scientists say that the average square inch of yummy zesty chili has been touched by the bare hands of over eleven grown men! Imagine eleven Daddies -- fixing oily cars, pulling ticks off of sick dogs, screaming into their fists -- then grabbing chili by the handful and throwing it into your mouth. Tell your friends!
I think you get it, and I don't have room in this space to go on further, but if you want I can email you my favorite chapter, Your Little Arms Are Covered In Mites.
NOTE: I don't have the energy to google it, but I'm sure that Baby Purell exists, in which case I accept their sponsorship in advance.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
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The best thing about this blog is the tags. Or is it "are" the tags? Hey! Free idea from me: a book on verb agreement! I only ask that I be named in the dedication.
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