Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Idea 91 - The Mallardic Proposition: Revelations About Time, Space, and Our Place In The Multiverse

I think space stuff is really fascinating, like that Hawking dude's books and those shows on Discovery Channel about quarks and crap. Turns out there's probably more than one universe, which is pretty fucked up.

What's weird though is that all these scientists supposedly base their crazy ideas on facts, but they're facts none of us would ever be able to understand or verify -- so they could make up pretty much anything they wanted and we'd have no idea. Which stinks like an opportunity to me:

For the simple layman, I'll attempt to summarize my assertions over the last 17 chapters:

According to my ground-breaking interpretation of string theory -- the widely accepted "theory of everything" -- our universe is much like a large duck. Try to keep up.

By astutely observing our universe, scientists believe that we can learn to see its true nature -- much like a typical mouth-breather like yourself learns to recognize a duck floating on the surface of a pond.

Our problem, children, is that the true nature of the universe (and all universes) sits "beneath" our currently known plane of existence -- like the duck feet that paddle mightily beyond the penetrative limits of an idiot's vision and imagination. And so the entirety of nebulae and black holes and neutrons and housepets and quote-unquote gravity is merely the fleeting shimmer on a duck's iridescent neck feathers.

And it is only I who have seen the
duck's feet.

See, I just made you feel like you're not smart enough, which is the whole reason people buy books in the first place. And so what if the whole thing is made up? Who's going to object? Leading astrophysicists and cosmologists? Bullshit.

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