Idea 73 - The Legendary Myth Of Legend

Maybe I can get some attention by "discovering" a new Greek or Roman myth -- something akin to a newfound Gospel, but it won't be about the bible so people won't flip out about it too much. The best thing is that I can just make up random weird events and it'll sound like a real myth:

From the armpit of Athena burst a small tuft of golden wheat, the flowing fronds of which soon bore a star-shaped fruit. As she walked, this star-fruit fell to the fertile soil at the foot of Mount Olympus, from whence soon sprung a stone goat with nine faces. It was named Goatus and thus mankind received the name we call our modern goats.

After 100 years of silence, Goatus beheld a young human maiden named Sallyus, who was hot. He was so entranced by her beauty that he belched, and the belch became a half-god named Cletus, patron of home-made wine, and thus mankind received the name we give to our modern white trash.

See, I came up with that in about two minutes and I just explained two mysteries of our time. What could I accomplish if I had some funding? Who knows? Oh wait, I do.

NOTE: I mean no disrespect to those who still believe in those Greek/Roman gods but at the same time you have to admit that all that stuff definitely didn't happen. Also, it does concern me that kids who read those myths might think magical stuff happens when you fuck animals.