Idea 25 - The Year In Novelty Pet Clothes

Research shows that pet owners spend more on animal accessories than they do on personal medications and home heating costs combined. But they've never had a yearly recap of the cutest, quirkiest, most show-off-able pet duds. Until, that is, some thoughtful publisher makes this horrifically sweet dream a reality:

This year's dachshund hot dog costumes showed more flexibility and breathability than ever before, with many manufacturers converting the "meat" component to a mesh or Gore-tex fabric. This notable innovation also made it easier to clean their faux frankfurter's interior (less dog sweat means less mold).

Look for next year's designs to add more neoprene and mustard.

I feel like this book is the literary equivalent of a question in need of an answer in the shape of a book. Also, pet owners will seriously buy anything pet-related and unnecessary, especially if they're childless.

Idea 8 - Fun With Wrinkles

Okay, this one's a hip travelogue, like a Sarah Vowell book but a lot more mature and with 100% more sex. Hold on to your reading hats:

I disguise myself as an elderly nudist woman named Deborah and tour the world's most senior-friendly naturalist destinations. Themes explored:

-Nudity
-Perception vs Reality
-Perfectly Understandable Ageism Among Nudists
-Innovations in Latex Disguises
-Old People Doing It

I've never bought the whole idea that nudism isn't at least partly about fucking more than usual. I think they all say that so their colonies don't get overcrowded.