Idea 19 - Just One Of The Guys Who Sells Great Pools

One burgeoning book-deal-getting category is the F-list celebrity memoir. Kind of a head-scratcher, but then again I suppose they do mix the outsized with the attainable. And it's also a relief to read about people who are more desperate than you. Let's give it a whirl:

For Joyce Hyser, star of the gender-bending fish-out-of-water-in-high-school John Hughes knockoff/mainstay of 90s pay cable flick "Just One Of The Guys", I'll ghostwrite a stirring account of her brief moment in the sun followed by her rewarding career in above-ground pool sales.

Sure, J-Hys spent a few years signing autographs and auditioning for local jewelry store commercials. But for the purposes of the book, we'll focus on how much she enjoys providing attractive solutions for fun-loving homeowners who just can't handle the headaches or hassles that come with all in-ground pools.

One quick note: due to the impending collapse of the publishing industry, this book will be made possible by a generous grant from Joyce's employers, Nationwide EZ Poolz.

Step 31: Get A Foreward Written By James Joyce

I don't know a lot about literature, other than the fact that you can make some real dough off of it. But a cool literary-ish foreward couldn't help but move a few units, especially if I can get a big name like James Joyce. I've never actually read his stuff, so I don't really know what his style is, except that he's Irish and I've heard he's all stream of consciousness-y and that he sorta makes up words here and there. I'm sure he won't mind or even notice if I ghost-write something for him:

Oh and long before and the goats walked among the very Irish-looking children the publishers did deign to give it a deal and begorragh many of the people-readers read of it and the hills came to trill of the music and hey where did you get that booke at the Barnes and Noble there was a wonderpraise review on the store display and my headmaster and I were convinced and the hills of Tralee sang of the praises of this author-man and please enjoy it signed James Joyce.

That's just a rough draft, not sure if I quite nailed his style, but I'll tell you it's a relief to not have to worry about periods or making sense.